michael jackson.

i can’t believe how offened people have been at my wacko jacko jokes.  two days ago you could say whatever you wanted about the guy.  but yesterday, he’s like the freaking pope.

everyone kept coming up and telling me he had passed and i kept waiting for the punch line.  so i made one up myself.  a friend text me with the info so i replied with “yeah, i heard he choked on an 8 year old.”

she didn’t think it was funny.

then someone else said something about him dying and i said, “kindergarten classes around the world are now safer places.”  no one thought that was funny either.

they are funny, my jokes.  but i guess since he’s dead now we can just forget about the last 20 years of his sordid life and just remember the music baby. 

whatever.

not that i wish any man to die, and not that any man deserves to die.  shit just happens sometimes.  the fact he was able to endure so many plastic surgeries is quite amazing as it is.  and he did rock out some killer tunes back in the day.  but the dude was a nut case.  he had very questionable relationships with young boys who’s families he essentially paid off with huge out of court cash settlements.  ha dangled his own son over a balcony to give photographers a snap shot.  (of course i believe it was a cabbage patch doll because of the towel on the babies head, but whatever)

i guess i’m sorry you’re gone jacko.  i suppose there are several large banking institutions that will never get their money you owed them.  and that’s cool with me.  screw those guys anyway.  i’m sure barry is gonna take care of them.  i’m sure citibank will get a bailout because you owed them money. 

i suppose regardless of what kind of child molesting weirdo you were, you have left us iwth a treasure trove of killer pop tunes and funky jams we will always have.  and thanks.  i guess.

i’m sure there were some american soldiers, and police officers, and firefighters, and responsible fathers, and great humanitarians, and highschool football coaches that positivly ifluenced the lives of thousands of people, and all kinds of people died yesterday that deserve our praise and respect.  i just don’t think you are one.

but thank for thriller.

there is no hope for western culture.

those are the three words the louisville courier journal wrote to describe transformers: revenge of the fallen.

i’ve not seen the whole thing yet but i’ve got three words to describe the crowd that has been selling out my theater seeing it.  lowest.  common.  denominator. 

i just checked imdb.com and the first user review says, “best sequel i’ve seen since jeepers creepers.”

i really don’t think i need to say any more.  my hope for western culture has come to an end.  there is no hope.  we are screwed.  better get your food storage going and fortify your homes.  judgement day is upon us.

not only is this film a pile of flashy lights, big explosions, giant robots and low IQ humor, it’s sponsored in part by your US government.  if you’ll notice from the trailers all the vehicles in the film are General Motors, or as i like to call it now, Government Motors.  remember just a couple weeks ago when the federal government bailed out GM by essentially purchasing a majority of the shares?  nice to know the country is in a deficit like we’ve never seen but there’s at least still money to shovel into hollywood.

where’s my money, barry?

when i showed up for work tuesday i noticed a GM tent and some GM girls hanging out.  i’m all for marketing products with sexy ladies, but not when my tax dollars are paying for it.  GM had a booth set up with these chicks and brought over some new camaros and poeople brought there camaros to the theater and they gave out free tickets for a special screening of transformers 2 and t-shirts and all kinds of stuff.

makes me really consider just never paying those back taxes i owe now that i can see at least one place they are going.  still waiting on that check, barry.  and i’m of course talking to barry obama.  barack hussein obama.  whose momma calls him barry.  where’s my check?

but other than that debacle, this film is still a pile of crap.  it’s produced for the masses.  a film with the broadest appeal possible.  which is a good thing i guess.  because i’m all about making money.  and this thing is gonna make some bread.  at our theater, the opening day for transformers 2 beat opening day for dark knight.  i have a feeling spiderman 2 is going down as the biggest opening in movie history.  we sold out every show after 6 yesterday.  and i’m sure we’ll do the same today.

and the people that are selling this thing out are idiots.  they don’t understand how to stand in a line and wait.  they crowd around the theater door before the movie showing before theirs has let out.  blocking the people from getting out of the theater, blocking people walking down the hall and blocking my ushers from cleaning the theater.  then they start to rush in after they’ve been asked to please wait until we’ve had time to clean the theater.  then they complain the theater is dirty when they get in there.

i worry about the future.

i did like the GM girls though.  i need to talk to someone about having some Tinseltown girls brought in for other big openings.  i’ll of course be in charge of them.

coolest thing ever.

so as i’ve reflected on the triumphant and truly epic debut of the tunesmiths at o’shea’s on monday night, i’ve come to realize several things.  number one, that might have been the coolest thing i’ve ever been a part of.  it felt great to be surrounded by friends who really seemed to be digging the grooves we were dishing out.  we had played on stage before, at pop’s music resale in lexington a couple of times and at an open mic a couple of times at lisa’s oak street lounge, but monday night at o’shea’s was without a doubt our coming out party.

we were able to pull in about 50 or so people and that’s what made all the difference.  i understand now what dave angstrom from my favorite band ever, supafuzz, was talking about when they would play lexington and richmond and he would talk about how good it was to be home and to play music with his friends.  he really meant what he said.  to play with your friends is something special.  not only the guys on stage with  you, but the folks in the crowd.  there was just such a positive vibe running through that place it was impossible not to get caught up in it.

it felt great.  it felt comfortable.  it just plain felt right.  and we blew the doors off that muther.

i hope everyone that was there monday will be able to make it out to the cancer sucks! benefit show on aug. 1 at the rudyard kipling.  and i hope you all come out to the la grange applebee’s on july 11 to see the tunesmiths perform their first paying gig.  yup, that’s right, our first paying gig.  it ain’t much, but it’s getting paid to play.  and that is wonderful.   almost like a real band.  how cool is that?

i have to admit my contingency at the gig was a little thin.  i had my old college buddy duckworth there for support, but that was it.  i had an under 21 show up but they wouldn’t let her in.  dirty bastards.  i think we were all good until one of the other under 21’s got caught drinking.  so then they made them all leave and wouldn’t let mine in.  dirty bastards.

but we had a freaking terrific crowd and i want to thank you all for coming out.  you truly made the occasion.  i’m just glad i was able to be a part of it.

and thank dwaine durrett for setting this up for us.  and thanks to margarette evans for coming out and letting us all hear what a real vocalist sounds like.  your voice is nothing short of angelic.  i’m looking forward to working with you in the future and making some beautiful music.  you are a true talent.

and i don’t mean to slight dwaine or even my own singer, daniel.  but fellas i think you’ll agree with me, margarette is a gifted woman.

only thing that would have made the night better would have been if my little under 21 had been able to get in and hug all on me and make all the other girls jealous.  and besides, i heart my little under 21.  soon she’ll be too old for me….

come out july 11 at applebee’s in la grange.  i know it’s weird, but do it anyway.  we be getting paid!  and most def come out aug. 1 to the rud for some kick ass bands and some super talented singer/songwriters including dwaine durrett and margarette evans.

peace.

i suck at life.

i really do.  but whatev.  it’s the only one i’ve got.

i’ve been fat lately.  i’ve been eating crap food and not going to the gym.  and i’ve got no one to blame but myself.  just like all my problems.  my own damn vault.  but as soon as i get my stimulus check from barry obama i’ll be right back on track….

right.  no one is coming to help you.  you gotta do it yourself or it never gets done.  i’ve been a little negative lately i suppose.  all linked to my inner turmoil.  my emotions clash upon themselves at the change of the seasons.  and it’s just now turning into a kentucky summer.  we’ve had two weeks of rain, a few days of some rain forest like downpours, and today it’s all clear and going to be in the mid 90’s and humid as all get out. 

i love kentucky.

but anyway, i’m trying to work on a more positive attitude this week.  going to avoid fast food and try to cook at the house as much as i can.  it’s much more cheaper that way anyhow.  and like i have said before, it’s all about babysteps.  just be a little bit better today than i was yesterday.  eat better today than i did yesterday.  go to the gym today since i didn’t go yesterday.  and if i went yesterday, i can go again today.

oh well, we’ll see.

poison ivy, a killer.

went to a visitation in winchester last night.  a dude i went to highschool with got into some poison ivy behind his new house and a week later he’s dead.  how does that happen?  i don’t suppose how it happens just that it did.  and it sucks. 

brian caruba, five days before his 34th birthday check out for good.  it’s hard to find humor in that right now as he just left his wife and two young children in a brand new house to fend for themselves.  but if there was one guy goofy enough to get into some poison ivy and die from it, it was brian caruba.  thoughts, wishes and prayers go out to his widow and family.

i mean, poison ivy?

i took a shower at work yesterday.

we were having a plumbing issue and i, super awesome assistant manager man, Cal Reed, can fix all problems.  this is my theater, this is my domain, this is my home.  and i will not let all my hot water run out and have my patrons washing in cold water.  this insubordination will not stand.  not from this mop closet water sink.  we had our carpets cleaned last night and that carpet cleaning crew had left us a present.  a hot water spicket on the north side of my building was left on over night flowing full bore into the drain.  and thank the good lord above that it was going down the drain and not spilling onto and under the floor.  we’d a had real problems then.

but this faulty water faucet is no match for super awesome assistant manager man, Cal Reed.  i have seen this problem before.  i have conquered this nemesis previously.  ha ha ha.  no water faucet has ever been my equal.

until today.  today i was defeated by the treacherous north side mop closet water faucet.  i tried to reattach a hose to this water faucet that was flowing full bore.  imagine trying to screw on one of those little pistol grip water shooty things on the end of a water hose with the water turned on all the way.  but like a hundred times worse.  it sucked.  i got soaked through from head to toe.  it only took about two minutes to become entirely soaked.  i was defeated at this point but i figured since i already had to go home and change i was gonna give this damn water faucet all i had.

and it still defeated me.  i’m pretty sure it was a good time for the other managers and the employees that got to see me either wresting with a deranged water faucet or walking down the hallway dripping with water.

i love my job.

it’s been a while.

since i’ve posted on this blog.  been lazy.  sorry.  i know everyone comes here to check out what cal has been up to and then there’s just nothing here.  i apologize for leaving you hanging.  i have actually been up to some pretty cool stuff.

i guess the coolest thing i’m involved in right now is this rock show i’m organizing to try and help out a couple friends of mine that have been afflicted with cancer.  or in the case of my friend adrienne, her toddler daughter has leukemia.  i’ve been blessed with good health throughout my life and probably do not deserve it and have seen many people including my own father go through some type of cancer.  and they probably deserve the good health more than me.  so i’m trying to see if i can help out a bit.

plus i just wanted an excuse to get my rock band out of the garage.  oh, and to meet some rock chicks.

but anyway, i am partnered with the leukemia and lymphoma society, kentucky and southern indiana chapter, to lend a certain degree of respectability and legitimacy to my event.  they have been wonderful to work with.  they essentially don’t care what i do or how i do it.  they are just glad i want to include them.  in fact, they initially didni’t want any money!  they were just happy to have something going on to include their name.  which i thought was cool.  the greedy buggers at the american cancer association wanted half my money before they’d even talk to me.  when i told them i didn’t want to give them anything, they never even called or emailed me back.

i have decided to donate 25% of the proceeds to the leukemia and lymphoma society since i have been sending out press releases with thier name and i’m using my contact down there as a contact on my press releases in case anyone wants to verify.  and that is all good.  two of the three people i’m wanting to help out have leukemia.  adrienne’s little daughter has it and my friend from richmond, jason newby has it as well.

my friend david from winchester has a brain tumor.  i have been fairly unsuccessful in finding anyone from a brain tumor specific organization to work with in raising awareness through my event.  they may or may not have a chapter in louisville but you’d think someone would at least email me or call me back.

oh well.  i’m also going to have someone at my event to cut hair for anyone wanting to donate to locks of love.  i really just wanted the sexy girl that cuts my hair to know what a cool guy i am for organizing a cancer benefit for no profit of my own.  but if we can help some bald little girls feel better about themselves, i’m all for it.

that event is slated for august 1, 2009 at the rudyard kipling on oak street in louisville, ky. 

i’m wondering if i should get a P.O. box for those wanting to mail in donations?  i suppose all those donations would need to be made out to the luekemia and lymphoma society so i’m not stuck with some tax bill in the future…and just use the cash i make the night of the show for my friends….i need to look into that.

if i could figure out how to post pictures on here i’d show you my first flyer for the show.  oh wait, here’s the myspace link so you can go there to check it out.  i need to update the page with the information from all the bands that are playing.

http://www.myspace.com/cancersucks24_7

facebook is too hard to figure out…but anyway, peace.

i’m putting on a rock and roll show to raise money for my friends that have been stricken with cancer.

show is scheduled for augutst 1 at the rudyard kipling here in louisville.  my band is playing and i’ve got a couple other lined up.  i’m trying to find someone from louisville with a decent following that would be willing to play for free, but i’m having more luck finding bands from lexington.  

i may eventually try to do a fundraiser in lexington as well, but since i’m in louisville i figured this would be a better place to start.  but i’m beginning to think otherwise.

anywho…i’m also going to have a silent auction.  greg martin from the kentucky headhunters has agreed to send me some autographed stuff which is bad ass, and i’m sure i can get some movie tickets.  if anyone has any ideas of individuals or organizations i might want to contact, please let me know.

this is something i thought up while visiting my brain cancer buddy a few weeks ago.  i’ve been blessed with all kinds of good health and most of the time i don’t deserve it.  three of my closest friends have either come down with cancer themselves or in the case of my friend adrienne, her 18 month old daughter has lukemia.  not to mention my father who is a colon cancer survivor and my brother in law who had melanoma.

it’s all around me.  and it’s tragic whenever anyone gets cancer, but when it’s a small child.  it’s truly heartbreaking.  that’s why i’m thinking of starting my own non-profit and calling it “save the babies”.  all the cancer societies i’ve contact including locks of love all want at least half the money raised if i am to use thier names.  greedy bastards.  i’d rather give the money to my friends.  i know they need it.

so anyway, that’s what i’m up to.

mitt romney 2012

i think we might need to get on this as soon as possible and start campaigning.  one thing i’m pretty sure about is mitt romney ain’t giving away 787 billion dollars to no one.  because no one needs to be given 787 billion dollars.  stimulus package my rear end.  where’s my check?

my brother is small business owner.  where’s his check? 

if you’re gonna stimulate the economy, don’t ya think you should do something that is going to help the american people?  787 billion dollars to whom may i ask?  how is that going to help my economic situation?  how about all these constuction workers that are without work?  all these bum mortgages? 

give that money to people directly.  sure, most of them will squander it.  but they’ll squander it back into the economy.  they’ll buy houses, new cars, mostly a bunch of crap they don’t need anyway.  but that’s the american way, right?

787 billion to greedy corporations ain’t helping nobody except those at the greedy corporations.  where’s this change barry obama promised us?  what about all the rhetoric about changing the way things are done in washington?

looks like business as usual to me.  in fact, it’s worse than business as usual.  what about we start a war on poor economic practices?  we can start by removing the national income tax and put a premium tax on things we consume.  a consumer tax, if you will.  so i get to keep all my money i make and i only get taxed for buying things.

i think i’d have a lot more money and a lot less stuff.  but that’s okay by me.

i’m a fan of capitalism, don’t get me wrong.  but something has got to be done about this over consumption.  it’s out of hand.  and i am as guilty as anyone else.  but i try a little bit every day to improve the way i live.  drive less, spend less, waste less.

787 billion dollars.  i don’t even know what that means.  i know i got two hundred bucks in the bank.  i know my phone bill is a hundred bucks a month.  i know my insurance is three hundred bucks every six months.  i know it cost about fifty bucks to fill my car up. 

what the hell is 787 billion dollars?

is 787 billion dollars gonna buy everyone health coverage?  it could.  how much money would that free up for the economy if the govt where to say hey look, here’s a check for your monthly health insurance.  any provider you want, but this is all we are giving you.  if it’s more, you make up the difference.  that’s fair without the govt actually providing the coverage.

maybe then they’d do something about the skyrocking cost of health care.  and prescription meds.

of course i can solve the prescription meds issue and help alleviate a big chunk of the health care issue as well.  my plan is simple.  take care of yourself, america.  eat less fast food and soda pops.  exercise.  sorry mcdonalds and coca cola.  maybe you can all get jobs at the gym.

while i’m at it, let me do my part to help with the over consumption of oil in this country without costing anyone a cent.  in fact it will save everyone money and help us use less oil.  my plan here is even simpler than my health care solution.  slow down on the interstate.  lower the speed limit back to 60. 

bam.

the superbowl.

The Super Bowl.

 

I hate the Steelers is a burning passion.  That was still the best Super Bowl I believe I’ve ever watched live.  Or on tape for that matter.

 

It had the three best plays of the year.  And one of the totally most awesome plays in history! 

 

Larry Fitzgerald streaking down the middle of the field for six.  He looked like a man among children on that play.  Why didn’t they throw him the ball all game?  It’s not like he was open on most of the passes he caught anyway.  But boy he was wide open on that one.

 

Santonio with the catch to win it.  That’s so impressive is because it was on the biggest stage ever.  It’s the play we all dream about as kids on the back yard.  …with ten seconds on the clock, Reed makes a break to the corner, he’s not gonna make it.  Yes!!!  What a spectacular catch by Cal Reed to win the Super Bowl…

 

Only this was for real and it was Santonio Holmes.

 

He did sound kinda like a pompous and arrogant in his post game interview.  I suppose I might have that kind of attitude.  At least I can imagine myself acting like that.  Then I realize I’m not a pompous, arrogant professional athlete who had just won the Super Bowl on an amazing catch in the corner of the end zone.  So no, I can’t really imagine being that pompous and arrogant.

 

And what the hell is wrong with William Gay.  I mean, the brother is from Louisville, and I give him mad props for sporting the red and white at his Super Bowl winning Steelers parade.  That is pretty ballsy and I like to think that if I played cornerback for the Super Bowl winning Steelers I’d sport the big blue myself.  But what’s up with the lil’ John yell? 

 

But the play of the game and of the century was the interception return by James Harrison.  That was the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen in my life.

 

If the Steelers had not managed to win that game, it would be known as the curse of James Harrison if they never won another Super Bowl.  Add his back story of being cut three times, once by the Steelers, then to be defensive player of the year and to have a one hundred yard interception return for a touchdown.  In-freaking-credible.

 

I give credit to Kurt Warner for making it possible.  That’s one of those throws only Kurt Warner can make.  He just seems to hit guys in stride.  Kurt don’t like taking the sack and he’ll throw some balls places they never need to go.  And he gets burned sometimes.  He got lit up something special this time.

 

The Cards came back and had a chance.  Took the lead even.  You can’t ask for a better Super Bowl.

 

And the Super Bowl party I attended was a pretty good time too.  Even though I was surrounded by crazed Steelers fans.  And by crazed, I mean these people are freaking crazy insane about Steelers football.  I mean, like retarded.

 

Screaming, yelling, throwing terrible towels at the TV.

 

At one point they got so revved up with excitement that some inner redneck rage got set off and my buddy Don busted his knuckle open trying to hit a punching bag.

 

And this was when they were up big at halftime.

 

I mighta got my ass beat had the Cardinals been able to hold them off on that last drive.

 

I had to hang up on my sister because of the profanity being spewed about after James Harrison’s interception return.  This game was so exciting I actually had to call sis twice.  Really needed to call three times but I was just in such shock at the ending of the game.